It is,late at night like this, that I take the time to ponder if Christmas is going to by-pass me . The fatigue everyday, leaves me napping by 3 pm. The fibro stiff joints and muscles have me sitting on a heated blanket each morning while enjoying my one cup of coffee. So technically I truly only have 4 hours to attempt to accomplish anything. Christmas prep needs to start earlier for me but still I feel like I am simply standing on the side lines.
I catch myself comparing this year to the years before the pain and fatigue. I have to stop myself, it won’;t help and will ultimately hurt me more. So I buy alot of gifts on line, I make a list in late summer and on good days tackle gifts for one or two on the list. Now, I have wrapped painfully or bagged the goodies,and it is way past time to be baking. Because both of my children are grown and moved out, I am eliminating cookies. I am down to preparing the bare basics…..If I stop and rest tomorrow I just may catch some true Christmas, but our counters will be bare.
This year, I want Christmas to win, I want to feel well enough to feel the true spirit. I want to enjoy moments with my daughter and husband. I want to be there …..with the extended family. Tonight, I think I am choosing, I am taking control, not the fatigue and pain. I want to participate, I am choosing less traditional foods, I am looking at my tree and tomorrow I will smile. For now, i will rest.