In the process of trying to understand fibro and what life changes need to be made to help keep it under control. I am told that and I am the first to admit that I am a type A personality, oldest child, a caretaker – always worrying about other’s. I am not saying this to brag. I actually have been told that this is a fault. Apparently I am not responsible for other’s (their actions or their lives). This new founded information will not change me. The fact that I have been asked “who put you in charged of everyone else’s happiness? ” does give me a sense of yes I am not that powerful and can’t help everyone.
This week has challenged me in so many ways. I have managed to come all the way out of a 2 week flare. (SHOULD READ THE MOST HORRIFIC, PAINFUL, AWFUL, SLEEPLESS FLARE EVER). School has resumed – which brings homework wars with her Dad, the start of Girl Scouts, time crunching, and work overload. The weather has been up and down.
Family History for the reader; My Grandpa the tower of our family existence, a man known and loved by all he met – died instantly of a heart attack. He was the same age that my Dad is now. My Dad – scheduled a knee replacement surgery – runs into the stress test telling him – he doesn’t have enough oxygen getting to the heart – and now is going in for an angioplasty and possible stints. I am 5 hours away. Torturing – am I making the right choice as to when to go to him. What if I make the wrong one? How will I live with myself? My Sister who I love with all my heart – isn’t handling this well. She has always been the one to keep her emotions under wraps. I am the one that wears her emotions on her sleeve.
This time – I am the calm one. I was reflecting – how can I be calm? Yet, I am calm. No panic attacks, No flare symptoms, I am rationalizing. A part of me wants to panic. I can’t lose my Dad!! I have Fibro to thank.
Fibro causes the most emotional and physical distress. Yet, Fibro has taught me the skills to get through the “we don’t know stage”. I believe it has opened me to the idea that I can’t control these things, that I need to see what will come and when it does – take a deep breath and go forward. It has given me amazing people in my life – people that I see struggle a million times more than I and they go on – they are my teachers, friends and my heroes. I have changed. I have become a much calmer person. Less emotional. I still have my meltdowns – but they are usually contributed to pain. I have listened to the Counselor – I use my breathing methods, I try to use open hands, Cold packs on the forehead, looking at the facts and not the emotions. He would be so proud of me. I have been with the exception of tonight – I have been getting good sleep (thanks to some new drugs), back to the swimming pool, and trying to eat healthy.
I am approaching life from a different view – thanks to FIBRO.