Who is this calm person? ~ Fibro gets the credit.

Posted on September 16, 2011 by swansonmjsyoga 2

In the process of trying to understand fibro and what life changes need to be made to help keep it under control.  I am told that and I am the first to admit that I am a type A personality, oldest child, a caretaker – always worrying about other’s.  I am not saying this to brag. I actually have been told that this is a fault. Apparently I am not responsible for other’s (their actions or their lives).  This new founded information will not change me.  The fact that I have been asked “who put you in charged of everyone else’s happiness? ” does give me a sense of yes I am not that powerful and can’t help everyone.

This week has challenged me in so many ways. I have managed to come all the way out of a 2 week flare. (SHOULD READ THE MOST HORRIFIC, PAINFUL, AWFUL, SLEEPLESS FLARE EVER).  School has resumed – which brings homework wars with her Dad, the start of Girl Scouts, time crunching, and work overload. The weather has been up and down.
Family History for the reader; My Grandpa the tower of our family existence, a man known and loved by all he met – died instantly of a heart attack.  He was the same age that my Dad is now. My Dad – scheduled a knee replacement surgery – runs into the stress test telling him – he doesn’t have enough oxygen getting to the heart – and now is going in for an angioplasty and possible stints.  I am 5 hours away. Torturing – am I making the right choice as to when to go to him. What if I make the wrong one? How will I live with myself? My Sister who I love with all my heart – isn’t handling this well.  She has always been the one to keep her emotions under wraps. I am the one that wears her emotions on her sleeve.
This time – I am the calm one. I was reflecting – how can I be calm?  Yet, I am calm. No panic attacks, No flare symptoms, I am rationalizing.  A part of me wants to panic. I can’t lose my Dad!!  I have Fibro to thank.
How uncanny?
Fibro causes the most emotional and physical distress. Yet, Fibro has taught me the skills to get through the “we don’t know stage”. I believe it has opened me to the idea that I can’t control these things, that I need to see what will come and when it does – take a deep breath and go forward.  It has given me amazing people in my life – people that I see struggle a million times more than I and they go on – they are my teachers, friends and my heroes. I have changed. I have become a much calmer person. Less emotional. I still have my meltdowns – but they are usually contributed to pain. I have listened to the Counselor – I use my breathing methods, I try to use open hands, Cold packs on the forehead, looking at the facts and not the emotions. He would be so proud of me. I have been with the exception of tonight – I have been getting good sleep (thanks to some new drugs), back to the swimming pool, and trying to eat healthy.
I am approaching life from a different view – thanks to FIBRO.
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2 comments

  1. Yep, if there is a positive to be found, this certainly is one. FM certainly teaches us all to be adaptable; to grab the good moments with both hands (and invariably overdo it, lol); to expect curve-balls and to deal with them as they arise; to cope with disappointment, and to readjust and regroup when flares happen. Yes, we have many hurdles to face, but we are stronger than we feel. We are learning so much, and growing ever more resilient as we tackle each day (sometimes minute by, painstaking minute). Great, thought-provoking post. Thank you 🙂

  2. Are you my twin? That is exactly what I was told years ago. And, it was true. BUT… I happen to LIKE helping others, and spreading some happiness when chances come! So what’s the problem? The problem is… it’s hard for me to understand how people can be so calloused, and not see someone (like me or you) who needs help and is suffering, and could use a word in season, or a gentle pat. Or vacuuming, or when they go to the store, could they pick up something so hubby doesn’t have too? I thought there were lots of wonderful people out there who loved to help others. I think they all have FM now… and we can’t physically help each other. But, as you said, I have noticed I do cope better than most “healthies” do, including family. Besides my breakdowns to release the valve (!), most are shocked to discover I live at a 6 – 8 most of the time, with downpours of 4 – 5 on occasions! I smile, therefore I am fine. I ask if I can help someone, therefore, I am fine. I’m not a saint, nor perfect. But why is it that most are so busy, the important things in life are overlooked? The importance of helping man kind. Of being our brothers keeper! When it’s all wrapped up and said and done… Will it be all the errands that will make us proud? Or the times we stopped and helped someone who really was in need. My heart aches at times, at the shallowness that is seen. But, my heart soars, when I see another hobbling alone, helping another hobble along. Beautiful sight! I do have some healthy, wonderful friends… I just hope they don’t end up with FM!:)

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