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purple question markPosted originally on May 15th, 2011
Yesterday – I had the perfect next blog in my head. It was wonderful. I remember that I was so excited to have this title because it had just popped into my head. It’s gone. I have sat here thinking about everything that happened yesterday – nothing – blank – gone. I had to ask a co-worker to check some work that I had done for him. I was so nervous that I had done something wrong. I went in to his office and told him that I needed him to double-check my work. The fog had started to take over.  I should have anticipated it. Now that I am aware that almost every female fibromite that I have met has told me that nothing about Fibromyalgia is guaranteed – except that you can guarantee that if it is your “time of the month” you will have a flare up. My week is just beginning. I knew on Thursday night that I was headed for a flare up. I had fallen asleep at 8:45 – but was up by 11:00. It took me several hours to fall back asleep.  My pain was not intense. I was able to be comfortable with the icy hot and some Tylenol.  On Friday night – I went to sleep at 9:00 – slept hard for 2 hours and was awaken by a headache and pain in my side. I   stumbled to the freezer for my ice pack and the closet for my sleeping pills (took 2). I was fast asleep and stayed asleep until my alarm awoke me at 6:30  a.m (had to get to my water zumba and water gym class).  After class, spent the rest of the day until after 5 at a volleyball tournament.  I used my stadium seat, took my noon meds (a few hours late), applied an icy hot and gave in to a prescription pain pill.  In this short paragraph – I have had to rewrite sentences over and over. I am not able to spell and my fingers are not working. I keep missing letters and my thoughts are not transmitting to my fingers. The tournie was amazing and had a great time. I am almost voiceless due to the cheering.  I am fortunate this time the pain is not as bad as the last time. It is manageable. I have family visiting this weekend and I feel bad that I will need to go to bed early and not visit with them for as long as I would like to do. However, they understand and I am going to have tomorrow as a down day. I hope the fog clears by Monday or I will have a hard day at work. The fog is so strange to explain to people who don’t experience it first hand. I know that I wrote about it another day. I think that I did. How awful? I am going to end up writing the same darn blog over and over again because I can’t recall if I have written about that thought yet. Besides the words and thoughts that are gone. The spelling, grammar etc… It makes things seem vague. Like I know I can almost think it or see it or touch it but it is just out of my reach. Even now as I write this. I just spelled the word now Know and the word = work (5 times). = this I did like (. My fingers are shaking  – somewhat numb. They feel like they don’t know where they are supposed to go. My head is spinning so fast. I wonder if I should have left the blog unfixed. I have spelled almost all the words in this last sentence wrong. I think that the next time I am in the middle of a fog – I am going to leave it unchanged and see if anyone has a clue what the words are supposed to read. It will be like a game for the reader.  A word scramble.. ha.. then if you figure out what it means.. explain it to me (twice) – once when I am in the fog and again when it has cleared so that I can remember what you said.. .. It’s just so frustrating that I forgot to write down my title. It really was gonna be good. I do remember that it sounded like a good blog. Isn’t it bad enough that the memory takes my idea?  Does it really have to make me forget to write something down so that I will not forget? Wishing all of you fibromites a restful sleep and hope tomorrow is full of an abundance of spoons. Wishing all of you who are family and friends of fibromites the patience to put up with us when we ask you the same question – many, many times.

I am a Fibro Warrior ~ Living Life

                                       https://www.facebook.com/#!/survivingfibro?fref=ts
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3 comments

  1. If it were me I would have entitled this “Fog Bomb” purely because once it hits it impacts absolute everything!

    It’s 4am for me and I can’t sleep because I’m majorly uncomfortable, but the whole time I read this entry I was nodding my head. Thoughts such as “story of my life”, “I wish it was just once a month”, and “she’s lucky to be able to be active” all crossed my mind.

    For me this is everyday. Some days it’s worse than others but for the most part it’s common place to not remember what was said fiver muted ago, let alone yesterday. I’m TRYING to graduate college but getting to class or remembering the work we discussed has become nearly impossible. I can’t even remember what we’ve read in our text.

    To make it worse I’m partially deaf and I’m nearly always in constant pain (sometimes its low enough I can do stuff, other times I’m so used to it I do what needs to be done anyway). Other times–most of the time I’m resorted to wearing soft fabric clothes washed in the gentlest of detergents. That includes bed sheets, towels, everything. If I’m fortunate to fall asleep it’s usually from sheer exhaustion, I’ve had days where I go 24-30ish hours because I’ve had commitments and I almost always end up sick and barely able to move for days. My “mornings” consist of getting up (jerking awake from muscle spasms), taking a cold shower and fighting tears because the pain is so crazy, then spending an hour laying in front of the fan with Solarcaine on my back.

    I’m terrier to go anywhere for an extended amount of time because I don’t know if I’m going to have an episode/attack while I’m gone. I’ve had too many moments where I’ve started jerking so bad I’d have to go hide in the handicapped bathroom until class is over or someone can come get me.

    As you can see it can be a disaster.

    Hearing someone talk about the same thing helps eased mind that I’m not crazy so I thank you for this.

  2. I swear this is my life. My family has been telling me for years how I forget things. I truly had no idea what they were talking about. I was just diagnosed a few months ago and this is now making sense to me! I now no longer feel alone. Now my family is beginning to understand and with blogs like yours I am starting to cope with the “fog”. It isn’t easy but I have to start somewhere…what choice do we have?

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