My mind is full of so many things to talk about and share. I really don’t know where to go with it or even where to start, so I figure instead of just sitting here staring at the computer, I’ll just start writing and see what happens 🙂 Since I don’t know a lot of the people that will be reading this, I suppose I should start by introducing myself. My name is Diane, I live in the middle of nowhere PA, I have 4 children, I am married to the most amazing man on the planet. About a year and half ago, my life changed when I started to have this “out of nowhere” pain in my knee, which I still have, along with a multitude of other symptoms and pains. Yes I went through the mill – doctors, tests, doctors, tests. Nothing. I of course had the (well wouldn’t ya know I can’t think of the word I’d like to use here…I wonder what THAT’S from?)…ya know that feeling like even YOU are starting to think you’re crazy because well they can’t find ANYTHING wrong but damn this HURTS. Sometimes, I still feel that way. And of course now I don’t even remember where I was going with this….LOL….but anyway….oh yeah…my life changed.
I’m actually at a point where I’m not sure yet if the change is for the best or not. I was your typical “doing it all” career person. Always busy, working, volunteering, coaching. And yes I was very happy being that person. I liked myself. I LOVED myself. I loved my life. Now, all of the things I loved about myself and my life are…well, they are just GONE. And there’s not a thing I can do about it. (Did I mention I am also a control freak?) You can imagine the depression that began to set in.
A few weeks ago, while wrapped up in my “I guess I have to just learn to live with this phase”, I was popping a few of my about 15 pills a day, while laying in bed (which is where I spent about 75% of my time), and it occured to me that these pills weren’t doing a damn thing for me. I happened to have on a news channel that just happened to be talking about the benefits of Omega 3’s. I thought I’m going to try that. One of my friends recently told me that I’m a “doer”, so that’s what I did. I did. I flushed my pills and got some Omega 3’s. And so that’s what I’m doing now. Omega 3’s. That, plus having a very good friend to help me through my emotions, my pain has been reduced by about “it’s almost gone”.
So my question to myself now is “What do I do NOW?” I clearly cannot function at the job I had previously, because of the physical requirements. I also cannot do any of the other things I enjoyed doing BF (before Fibro), such as running, going to the gym, or having mega shopping days. So now it’s time to find myself again. To fill these holes. It’s HARD. There is SO much to fill. One tiny pinhole at a time will do though. For now, I know that I want to help people, and that is why I’m here. So I hope that I at least amused you for a few minutes.