What do I do NOW?

My mind is full of so many things to talk about and share.  I really don’t know where to go with it or even where to start, so I figure instead of just sitting here staring at the computer, I’ll just start writing and see what happens 🙂  Since I don’t know a lot of the people that will be reading this, I suppose I should start by introducing myself.  My name is Diane, I live in the middle of nowhere PA, I have 4 children, I am married to the most amazing man on the planet.  About a year and half ago, my life changed when I started to have this “out of nowhere” pain in my knee, which I still have, along with a multitude of other symptoms and pains.  Yes I went through the mill – doctors, tests, doctors, tests.  Nothing.  I of course had the (well wouldn’t ya know I can’t think of the word I’d like to use here…I wonder what THAT’S from?)…ya know that feeling like even YOU are starting to think you’re crazy because well they can’t find ANYTHING wrong but damn this HURTS.  Sometimes, I still feel that way.  And of course now I don’t even remember where I was going with this….LOL….but anyway….oh yeah…my life changed. 

I’m actually at a point where I’m not sure yet if the change is for the best or not.  I was your typical “doing it all” career person.  Always busy, working, volunteering, coaching.  And yes I was very happy being that person.  I liked myself.  I LOVED myself.  I loved my life.  Now, all of the things I loved about myself and my life are…well, they are just GONE.  And there’s not a thing I can do about it. (Did I mention I am also a control freak?) You can imagine the depression that began to set in. 

A few weeks ago, while wrapped up in my “I guess I have to just learn to live with this phase”, I was popping a few of my about 15 pills a day, while laying in bed (which is where I spent about 75% of my time), and it occured to me that these pills weren’t doing a damn thing for me. I happened to have on a news channel that just happened to be talking about the benefits of Omega 3’s.  I thought I’m going to try that.  One of my friends recently told me that I’m a “doer”, so that’s what I did. I did. I flushed my pills and got some Omega 3’s. And so that’s what I’m doing now.  Omega 3’s. That, plus having a very good friend to help me through my emotions, my pain has been reduced by about “it’s almost gone”.

So my question to myself now is “What do I do NOW?”  I clearly cannot function at the job I had previously, because of the physical requirements.  I also cannot do any of the other things I enjoyed doing BF (before Fibro), such as running, going to the gym, or having mega shopping days. So now it’s time to find myself again.  To fill these holes.  It’s HARD.  There is SO much to fill.  One tiny pinhole at a time will do though. For now, I know that I want to help people, and that is why I’m here.  So I hope that I at least amused you for a few minutes.

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10 comments

  1. I am still waiting for to b diagnosed but the doctors think I have fibromyalgia… Waiting for the results r creating many problems, I am not able to work but unable to leave my job, and can not give my boss any answers… Living on ssp is no joke…I am still unsure that if fibromyalgia is conferred what this will mean for me and my daughter.. How I am expected to support us… Will I b able to go back to work.?
    If u can give me any advise I would really appreciate it. X

    1. Hi Rachel – Everyone’s different. I know there are many people with Fibromyalgia who do have a full time job. Everyone also has different symptoms, etc. So I don’t know if you’ll be able to go back to work or not. It must be difficult to be in such a situation if you are not able to. The best advice that I can give you is to do as much as you can do and find help/support for the rest. I know ssd isn’t much, but it helps, also there should be other assistance for groceries, rent, etc. Any family or friends that can help? Maybe find a roommate who also has a child and could use help with the bills? Just some thoughts. Don’t give up though – where there’s a will, there’s a way!!

  2. I want to introduce myself because I am in the same boat!! My name is Dana & I live in a small town in Georgia. I used to have a life as well but I was diagnosed with Fibro in 2010 and had symptoms since 2008. My life used to be so abundant and now I’m lucky if I can get out of bed!! Most days I just make myself go. I have one son & a very hardworking husband. He is just now beginning to understand a little about what I go thru on a daily basis. I mean I can’t blame him, even the Dr’s don’t understand. They treat me like I’m a junky who just wants her next fix. I’m not & am very tired of being treated that way!! I have read where a lot of Fibro patients have flare ups but mine stays flared up everyday!! This is the part I don’t understand, do you know anything ab it??

    1. Yeah mine is pretty constant too – it’s more of case of HOW MUCH IT HURTS TODAY versus DOES IT HURT TODAY. From what I understand, it effects everyone differently. I guess we just got the SH** end of that stick LOL. And hey – don’t let anyone treat you that way. TELL your doctor or whoever is doing it how you feel and if they don’t stop, well I’m sure another doctor would be more than happy to take your money 🙂

  3. If you can’t return to work, file for Social Security Disability, the sooner the better because you do need an income & most importantly, the amount of your SSD payment is based on your income for the last 7 years, so you want to apply while your earnings are still high, not after you haven’t worked for 5 years and your average income for 7 years only amounts to 2 yrs worth of income. Dont give up if you get denied, REAPLY & APPEAL, I had to go to the final step & go to a hearing,it was worth it because the judge ruled in my favor. I did use a layer, I suggest you do as well, the only take a fee if you are awarded SSD benefits.

    Life After Fibro or AF is very different than BF, it’s taken me time, as in years, but I have developed new or renewed old interests to fill in some of the many pinholes left since acquiring Fibro. My social life & my passion revolved around riding my motorcycle, which I can no longer do as its much too painful for along time i was lost! I’ve filled one of the pinholes by renewing my interest in organic gardening, I plant in flower pots vs the ground because it’s much easier for me & I’m growing some of my own food & herbs, it’s very rewarding & it supplies me with herbs for another renewed interest in natural & holistic medicine. Give it some time and you;ll find interests & activities you can participate in

    @ Dana….I have pain every day it’s a matter of how much pain, some days the pain is worse than other days, that’s what we mean by flare ups, the worst days are called flare ups or flares.

  4. hi my name is amanda, 42, two grown kids n 3 baby grandkids, an am lucky that my partner is supportive, loving, caring and understanding. i was a manager for kfc 4 18yrs bt left due to crohns disease, got diagnosed wif jhms , osteo, and fibro. i cant handle my life rite now, i am awake alnight in pain, stay in pain all day bt love these sites as others wif these illness give me a haven to escape, give me encouragement, hope and a place to talk to people in same boat, gentle hugs to u all ,

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