I have been spending time reminiscing with my High School and College friends via Facebook. Apparently I was a known “shopper” .. known for my matching clothes (top to bottom – in and out), for my shoes (never wearing tennis shoes), for my color coordinated closet. It seems like a lifetime has passed since those days. I vaguely remember going to the Mall from open to close and spending the day coming home with a trunk full of new outfits. I would get up with the birds to hit the garage sales as they were opening. I would plan on weekend trips for friends and family member to visit me to go to the MOA or to hit the outlet malls. Shop til’ we drop was the motto.
Now.. it is more like if I Shop.. I will drop. In fact, now I hate shopping. I am getting ready for a trip and I want to get a couple of new pairs of jeans. It has become a chore trying to find the time and energy at the same time to try on a pair of jeans. As for matching (I try to dress nice) – but I don’t match the underclothes (TMI) like I used to do. I prefer being in crop sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. Comfy clothes.
But I wonder if comfy clothes gives in to the urge to sit and not try to do anything. I feel better when I am dressed up to go to work or out of the house. It helps me continue the facade that if I look good I must not be sick. My latest quote I saw that I liked was “Not all disabilities are visible – if you could see my pain the intensity would blind you”. The better dressed and put together you look the easier it is to fool people into thinking that you feel as good as you look.
Shopping MUST HAVES!! A cart – It doesn’t matter how few the items that I have – by the time I have walked the medical aisles – I am tired and need to have something to hold onto for the rest of the shopping trip. A bottle of water – needed – I get so darn thirsty – not sure if it is the meds or the feel of getting so exhausted doing the shopping. A map of the place – ha – not really – just need to know where the bathrooms are located. The list – so very important – guarantee even with the list – I will forget something. I will go down an aisle knowing what I am looking for and still forget what I am looking for when I am staring blankly at the shelves. I found myself staring at the rows of cans of soup – repeating to myself – chicken broth – still blank – I could not even focus on the cans – it took me 5 minutes to find the chicken broth. I have began to use the post it note application on my phone so that when a thought pops into my head – I immediately jot it down or it is gone. I did almost all of my Christmas shopping online this year. I believe that will be how I do it from now on. I said that it was wonderful – I didn’t have to deal with the crowds, could shop pricing without spending time and gas money and the items were not sold out. I think that is what I told myself to make it acceptable that I did my shopping this way. Realistically – I did it because I was running out of time. I was too tired, too sore, too overwhelmed to even try to find time to go to the stores. I felt guilty at first – like I was not putting as much effort into the shopping that most people do (dealing with the crowded parking lots, long lines, sold out items). I have finally accepted the fact that I need to save my energy for other things. I will still have to drag my tush to the store and try on the jeans for the upcoming trip and still head to the grocery store for the much-needed items on the grocery list. But – when it comes to the majority of shopping – Amazon here I come.