The Guessing Game

I often wonder why I spend so much time trying to figure out a condition whose cause is unknown and treatments are, at best, hit or miss.  I am betting that you do the same.  Let me explain.  If I get up today, having felt pretty good yesterday, to find that I am aching all over and my bones feel like they are made of cement today I begin to analyze the situation.

I ask myself a series of questions – did I go to sleep too late?  Is the change in the weather affecting me?  Is there mold in the air?  Was it sleeping with the windows open?  Of course I know the cause can be any one of these things or none.  Having run out of questions to ask (or maybe just run out of answers, having none to start with) I then began self-treating.

I have some juice (maybe my blood sugar is low); I take an allergy pill.  I take a pain pill.  And on and on the list goes.  Then there are other options for the day.  Should I stay home from work, or will this pass after throwing every pill in the house at it?  If I go, what will I do if I don’t feel better?  Stay?  Go home sick?  What will my boss and my coworkers say?  What will they think?  I’m crazy?  I’m faking?

Even though I KNOW this DD (darned disease) doesn’t make sense, I still try to make sense of it.  Why?  Control, perhaps.  I think most of us are used to being in charge.  I know from what I’ve read that the majority of us have type A personality and in our “former” lives we were always on the go and doing, doing, doing.  Now we are faced with an enemy that won’t submit to our to-do list and be systematically marked off the list (cure fibro, done) so what are we to do?

I don’t know that I have a definitive answer.  As for me I try to manage my symptoms, even though it is, as I said, sometimes a guessing game.  I try to rest when I need to and do things in small pieces.  I might vacuum this week and that might be all the housework I get done.  I might fix frozen pizza or cereal for dinner and go to bed at 5 pm.  But through it all, I remain hopeful that someday someone will make that breakthrough we have all been waiting for – the cure.  But until then I’ll take it day by day and do the best I can with the hand I have been dealt, knowing there are others who are far worse off than myself.

I wish you restful sleep and soft gentle hugs until we meet again.  🙂

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One comment

  1. It’s funny to me, how we all lack & WANT that sense of control! I haven’t found anything that has been my “trigger”… Like you said, Someday!!

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