Good morning fellow fibro fighterz! Hope everyone is having a good of a morning as possible! I just wanted to talk a little about guilt. If you are a mom, I think you automatically have guilt built into your body the second you find out that you are carrying your precious bundle. You are overjoyed the second that you find out that you are going to be a mommy, then the guilt hits….what if that drink that I had, the cigarette I smoked, the chemicals that I accidentally inhaled…etc etc…cause harm to my baby? The entire pregnancy is guilt and fear, every little thing that goes into your body makes you think you are doing something wrong. Then when your baby is born, the guilt REALLY kicks in!! No matter what you do, you feel it isn’t good enough. At least once a day, you feel like the world’s most horrible mother!! Sometimes it gets so bad that you want to turn yourself in to someone, anyone, for them to punish you for your horribleness. NOW add the guilt of having fibromyalgia/chronic illness to the mix. Not being able to jump right up and do the things that you want to do with your children, spouse, friends, family, etc fills you with guilt and shame. Not being able to be like the other moms and be a full time, hands on everything kinda mom. You see the other moms going school boards, parent/teacher organizations, sport booster leagues, the list goes on and on and the guilt feels like cement you are carrying on your shoulders because it is so crushing in its weight. I know that personally, the guilt that I feel for not being the mom and wife that I want to be is sometimes all consuming and it feels like it is going to eat me alive! When my kids, ages 10 and 8, come home from school and I am laying on the couch unable to get up, the disappointment on their little faces literally makes me feel sick to my stomach. I lay there and think about how a “good” mom would have already had dinner made, be ready to take the kids to a billion after school activities, help with homework, and on and on. Only a “bad” mom would be indulging (yeah like it is possible to ‘indulge’ in rest when your body is consumed with pain) in an afternoon nap (if only it was possible to nap with fibromyalgia) while the house looks as though a tornado came through, dinner is still in the freezer cause it hurts too bad to get up and sit it out to thaw, can’t take kids to after school activities because your skin literally feels as though it is inside out and even clothing touching it is excruciating, so you are still in your comfiest pajamas, looking like a walking zombie cause you can’t lift your arms to comb your hair or put on makeup. You try to listen to how their day went and keep up with every detail of school time friend/enemy drama, but sometimes the fibro fog makes it impossible to mentally keep up, so they get frustrated because it seems like you aren’t listening to a word they are saying. Which also makes helping with homework hard, cause in the midst of fibro fog, remembering what 2 plus 2 is seems monumental. So you lie awake at night, thinking about what a horrible, horrible person you are. It’s not just moms of course, I think everyone with chronic illness holds considerable guilt on their shoulders and not being able to sleep at night, lie there and mentally beat yourself to a pulp. You can’t help thinking what a loser you are. How can a grown, responsible adult have a house that is so messy that it’s two seconds from being condemned? How can a grown up have bills piling up that you forgot to pay because you forget everything, big and small? Why does everyone else have their lives together, wrapped up in a neat little bow while you are falling apart inch by inch, second by second? Where did I go wrong exactly? When was the exact moment that my life jumped the track and I ended up here? I wish I could tell you how to make the guilt go away. If anyone has a solution, please let me in on the secret because I honestly have no idea. But I think acknowledging your guilt and talking about it, not letting it be the pink elephant in the room, helps to lighten it, at least a tiny bit. So try talking about it, even if it is just on here with your fellow fibro fighterz. Comment me and let me know how you deal with guilt. We can all help each other. Hope you all have a good day!!